T'sara Vandercross (tsara) wrote,
T'sara Vandercross

The next in a long overdue series of postings

Yeah, so I haven't let me brain just rant in a while. I've been long over due for this. And why have I been long overdue? Well, mainly it's for motivation. I haven't had motivation in ages. I'm never really motivated to do anything. I've setteled myself into this ho-hum lifestyle where I don't really care to do a whole lot, and the few things I care to do, I never build up enough drive to do them. The major problem with this is, I have no good reason why I DON'T have the drive. I just don't. Lack of caring, lazyness, or just complete and total apathy...maybe all of the above. These are all things combined that cause me to not really give a damn about doing much. (Brain changing tracks here) It makes me wonder why I get up the drive to do these posts. Why do I let my brain just spew out anything it decides it wants to once in a while. And why do I care to post it? I think it comes down to the fact that it feels good to just let my brain ramble on and get thought out of my head and onto another medium. A lot more goes on in my head than most people think does. In a way, that bothers me. Do people think I'm simple? Do people not think that I think about things before doing anything (this is giving the fact that I've gotten up the drive to actually do something)? I don't know what it is. But that's something that I sort of wish would stop. This is why I think I like Susan. Susan is a new recruit to the growing army of Seattle imports. She doesn't just take me at face value. And, when I say something, she actually seems to listen to what I have to say. That speaks wonders about her to me. So, if you're actually reading this long winded thing of mine, thanks Susan. It's appreciated. Now see, that then makes me wonder, how many people actually do read these long mind ramblings of mine. (No, this is not a request of people to pop in with "I do." and such. This is just my brain putting into words whatever is flowing through it now.) When it all comes down to it, it doesn't really matter to me whether or not people read them. It just interests me in finding out how many people actually read the inner goings on of my mind. Motivation. I think that's what it all boils down to. Motivation. I look at things and don't feel the final output is worth the effort involved. So then what does it take for me with motivation? I wish I had an answer to that. Maybe thats one of the fundamental questions of the world, when it is concerning the individual. What pushes me onward? What makes me want to do the things I want to do? And then the big one. Why?
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