T'sara Vandercross (tsara) wrote,
T'sara Vandercross
tsara

Trust

I wish I had it in me to trust some people better. I hate it when the past makes you not trust someone in the present. Not to say that I don't trust...it's just certain instances I still feel very leery about. There are still certain things that I like to be reassured about. Even if some things will never happen again and you know it, I still like to feel reassured. Some things are just a bit bigger in my life than to just be able to move on. Some things hurt me in ways that I never want to have happen again, and so therefore, I will be worried when the possibility for that to happen comes around again. *sigh* C'est la vie. I'm sorry if this bothers people. Well...actually, no I'm not. It's me. It's who I am and it's my feelings. As I'm told often, I need to be this way for ME. *sigh*

But instead of recieving understanding, all I get is told that I'm obsessing. That I shouldn't drag people down to the level that they need to reassure me. That I'm paranoid. And then I can never get a straight answer. To me, it seems insensitive. Uncaring of the damage that was done that I worry about happening again. Feels like I'm being told I should just blow it off and get over it. Yet there are some things in my life that I cannot just get over. But I'm being told that I'm being dumb because I cannot. I'm sorry that some people feel this way. I'm sorry some people don't understad the hurt they can cause someone and how truly long lasting it can be. I'm sorry some people don't understand how long trust can take to come back. I'm NOT sorry about how I feel.
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